There's a new truck in town!
Okay, it's a new-used truck and we acquired it a little while back, before the old flatbed felon died. A current picture would show this beauty with a white powdery coating of salt that comes off easily on any jacket that brushes the surface. Quite frankly, we've had it long enough that we are
comfortable allowing our daughter to drive it as she practices her skills on a learner's permit. Either we are really brave, or just nuts. You decide. Just remember, the truck she is driving is probably bigger than the car you're driving, so you might want to stay off the road for awhile.
Fortunately we didn't have to trade our daughter in for the new vehicle. I would have given it some serious consideration if the dealer accepted teenagers as payment. They don't. Apparently eye rolling skills do not hold much monetary value. Instead, we utilized all her future college funds. We should be done paying for the truck sometime in the next two centuries. She wasn't destined for an ivy league school anyway, right?
The truck has proven an excellent investment. It has a larger towing capacity than our older one, which means I can haul more bodies if needed. Yes, I've hauled bodies, though I didn't really require a truck to do so. I'll write about that some other time. What we mostly haul is our camper. Our old truck was getting less and less reliable, we feared trips over mountains, or hills, or even highways with slight inclines. Now we are planning a trip that includes all of the aforementioned.
The truck also has a whole lot of other really cool bells and whistles, like a step that folds out of the tailgate, heated seats that will singe the hair off your backside, four wheel drive to take on rugged terrain, a larger backseat with more leg room, the cheater back-up assist feature we think is hilarious...and technology!
Unfortunately, all this new stuff comes with a learning curve. The turning radius isn't as tight as the old truck, which makes things...interesting. Such as parking lots. Did you ever realize that we park in parking lots every damn day!?! Almost as interesting as finding out the truck is too wide fit at the drive up ATM. Hmmm. Back-up assist is pretty cool, as long as you don't need to make any sharp turns...um, we have yet to back the camper into a campsite without angling around trees and rocks. We also discovered it's a good idea to make sure the four wheel drive is actually engaged when you switch modes, otherwise the truck makes a funny (not ha ha) noise. Oops.
The biggest learning curve? You guessed it, technology.
Who knew technology could involve so much swearing? I may have even invented a few new words. We might have these gadgets figured out by the time the truck is paid off...in two centuries. I'm beginning to suspect I may be techno-amish.
Our truck came with all the usual stuff that vehicles built in the last decade now include as standard -voice control operation, satellite radio, navigation, and the all important bluetooth features that allows you to operate your phone through the automobile. Now, if it only came with idiots to operate the technology. Oh, we managed to pair our phones with ease. It was the user part that wasn't so smooth.
Call mom.
I'm sorry, I cannot find that contact.
Play radio.
Unable process that command at this time.
Navigate.
Where would you like to go.
(Insert destination).
I'm sorry, I couldn't verify that address. You will have to input manually when it is safe to do so.
Seriously, what the hell good are you?
I'm sorry, I don't recognize that command.
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH.
Recalculating your destination.
We thought we were getting the hang of it, until today's techo-amish moment. When my husband was getting ready to leave for work, the truck automatically paired with my phone. Android Auto turned on and started my music app. I waved to my husband and signed to him through the front window, asking if he could hear my music. Not understanding what I wanted, he tried calling me. I answered, but he couldn't hear me. You guessed it, the truck picked up the call, so all he could hear was himself, talking to himself over the speakers.
Watching his mounting frustration, I nearly died of laughter. By the time my husband figured out what was happening, I had tears rolling down my face and couldn't breath. I may have left a puddle in the living room. (Too bad our Christmas Tree is artificial.) I only knew he went to work because a short time later my phone informed me that the truck was out of range for bluetooth. No kidding?
I'm sure we will figure this all out. But in the meantime, if you happen to see a black pickup wandering about rural Iowa, please don't call me. By the time I figure out how to answer, I will have to relearn engaging the four wheel drive to get out of the ditch and chances are my navigation won't recalculate.
