Can I help you? Well actually....

     People ask me all the time "Is there anything I can do for you?" I hear it everywhere from the helpful store clerks to my friends and family. I often wonder, is it because I look lost? Is it because I look like I could use some help? Do I look unable to take care of myself? Do they really mean it, or are they just trying to be nice? My typical answer is "No thanks, I am good." Even if it is not always true. Why? Probably because I secretly suspect that most folks are just being nice. They don't really want to help, but social norms say they should offer their assistance, so they do and inside hope that no one will say yes. Well, except the store clerks, they are trying to sell you something. The other part of me likes to think I am totally self reliant and can do it all myself.
     So I asked myself, what would happen if I said yes? I know, I am a deviant.
     I started my experiment at the local grocery store. When the grocery bagger asked if I needed help with my groceries - I said "SURE. Meet me at the door and I will pick you up. Then we can unload at my house. I promise to bring you back to the store afterward."
     I got a couple of chuckles, and one of those smiles you give to people that are not all there. So I knew that no one was going to come home with me to unload the car. I was only half serious anyway. I did not really think they were going to let store employees come to my house. Though I really would like help getting the groceries out of my car, through the back door and into my house. It is only a short distance and two steps, but generally takes about twenty trips. By the time I get the stuff in the door, I am too pooped to put it away.
     I noticed on my last trip to the grocery store I was asked if I needed help taking my groceries out to my car. No, not really, I have this cart here, especially designed for hauling all the stuff I bought out to my car. They are getting wise to me. Guess it is my own tough luck since I don't want to sacrifice the ease of shopping in the middle of the week while everyone is at work or school just to get a little unloading help.
     I expanded my experiment. Then next time I was asked if I needed a little help, I was at my daughter's school. I had just come in the front door and needed to drop off a paper at the office, up a flight of stairs. Not having a good day with my right leg, I hesitated at the base of the stairs and a voice asked me if they could be of assistance. I said yes (although it nearly killed me). I had a paper that needed to go up to the office, but did not think I was up to using the stairs. The gentleman said, "Oh, I could run that up, no problem." He took my paperwork, and I thanked him. Task accomplished. No struggling with my leg. I got the distinct impression that the gentleman was not put out in the least by helping me.
    I tried this experiment a number of times. During a tough week, a friend of mine asked if there was anything she could do for me. Jokingly I said she could could cook dinner for me. The next day she dropped off a wonderful soup. Outside my daughter's classroom, right before the Valentine party, I dropped all the stuff I was carrying. A student offered to help pick it up and carry it in and I accepted. As I watched her march proudly in the room carrying most of the load, I felt as if it did her more good than me. And so the story repeated.
     My conclusion was that generally, people were sincere when they asked if they could help. No one seemed the least bit annoyed, and most actually gave the appearance of enjoying helping others. Was it me? Was I the one who was not sincere? This required some deep soul searching and more experimenting. I made a point when offering assistance, to pay attention to my reaction the times someone accepted my offer.
     Was I irritated? Nope, I enjoyed helping others. As a matter of fact, the things I could do to aid others gave me great joy. I suspected that I already knew this, but it was good to have confirmation. So just what was my problem???

     You guessed it (maybe the picture gave it away). MY EGO. The part of me that said "You can do it yourself, you don't need help. You are self sufficient."

I

    I have always told people that my Ego is about six and a half feet tall and weighs two hundred pounds. For the first time I really looked at my Ego, and was surprised to find that it really was over six feet tall and weighed closer to three hundred pounds. Moreover, it was getting in the way of me accepting the kind and sincere offers of others. Offers I do sometimes need. I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not alone. After all, I was often turned down when I offered to assist in my experiment.

I

     How was I going to address this issue? One day at a time, one offer at a time. I have decided that in addition to giving up swearing for Lent (the part of my vocabulary that is strong enough to give great satisfaction), I would also give up turning down offered help when I need it.  Probably sounds like not much of a sacrifice in this season of recognizing our sins and trying to better ourselves as we strive to grow closer to God. Offering and giving help I find easy. Accepting the charity of others is not so easy. That is the pride of my Ego speaking, one of the sins I regularly indulge in. My self proclaimed self sufficiency is not an easy thing for me to give up.
     I will probably need a lot of help. So if you hear me shouting "Aw, Shucky Darns" please don't giggle. And if you come across me lying in the parking lot because I tripped over my own feet - again - and I turn down your offer to help me get up, it is because I really can get up myself. I actually do find it harder to get up with assistance. It is a balance thing.
     However, if I refuse your aid in getting down a long flight of stairs while carrying an armload of stuff, remind me of my goal by gently saying, "No, you are right, you don't need help. After all, it's probably easier to fall down the stairs and scatter all that crap. And everyone could use the entertainment." My Ego will probably cringe, but it can afford to lose a little weight.