What, almost Thanksgiving and you're not done Christmas shopping?

   As the holiday season slowly approaches, we begin to think of family gatherings, holiday parties, putting up lights and decorations, finding the radio station playing all our favorite seasonal tunes and shopping for those special gifts for the ones we love....

 Yeah, right. And I have a starring role in the next Hallmark Holiday Movie!

   Truth of the matter is, we were just finishing up our trick-or-treating when every station that has ever broadcasted in the history of mankind switched to Christmas tunes and their advertising partners began to run Black-Friday ads. The stores that hadn't already been brandishing their festively lit trees since September now flicked the switch to blind their customers with tempting displays of treats and trinkets that every shopper needs to fill their holiday lists. Status quo coffee cups turned red (though apparently missing their usual festive decorations) and sale papers began to line the driveway.

My daughter asked, "What about Thanksgiving? Can't we enjoy that first?"

   I am right there with you kid. But can we? Cause there are only HOW many days till Christmas? What do the nephew's and niece's want for Christmas? What should I get Mom and Dad? What on earth do I buy MY kid when she wants something different each day? What toy/gadget will last beyond twenty minutes of play before the boxes become more interesting?  When am I going to have time to go shopping? How am I going to stay in budget with all this stuff I gotta buy and NOT look like the Grinch?

   Recently I heard a friend posing these same questions, so I offered her a suggestion that helped me keep holiday stress at bay. Do an event. Make a memory. If you must shop, shop mindfully. What might your family want instead of toys and stuff? She stopped and stared at me and blinked once or twice. I think she was checking her vision to see if I was really for real, or just a hallucination brought on by seasonal stress. I was for real.

In our family we do things a little differently...

   One year, instead of trying to find that special something for our parents, we shopped for kids in need, buying them clothes, coats, shoes and a toy. Then we wrote a Thank You note from the sponsored child and gave it to our parents. We explained that in lieu of a gift, we used the money to sponsor a child in their name. I still remember the emotional reaction when that first Thank You note was opened and they realized that instead of receiving another trinket, they had contributed to the welfare of others. I had picked up the names and needs of the children through a drive that my office did annually, but have since discovered ways to participate individually though my church, local Angel Trees, the Childrens home + aid website, as well as Illinois Department of Child and Family Services (DCFS). Each state and region offer similar programs. Web sites such as Love to Know, and Family to Family can help get your creative juices flowing.

   For us, this was mindful gift giving as well as an event for our family to do together. My husband and I decided what stores to visit. My daughter personally picked out coordinated outfits, selected coats and tested mittens to make sure they were good choices. We had explained to her that we were helping Santa do his shopping for others since he was a very busy guy. After a day being Santa's elves we all enjoyed hot chocolate and treats while bagging, boxing and tagging the items to be donated.

   That first Christmas, our unusual gift giving was a bit of a novelty. Now we often see family members open notes telling them that their favorite charity received a donation in their name. We have continued a tradition of mindful gifts started by my parents. As a family we have enjoyed memberships to the zoo or museum that allow us to take many trips to make memories. We also loved the remote starter for our car to make winter more bearable. (Thanks Mom and Dad!) In return, we try to give gifts like these. If you wonder how you can do the same, think about what your intended recipient would enjoy. Maybe you know someone who would like tickets to a sporting event. Or a trip to the spa to get a pedicure. Mindful gifts and events exist at all monetary levels of gift giving.

    But you might be asking, what about the kids? Don't you have to get something for the kids? In our family the kids are blessed to have more wants than needs. Would this idea transfer to kids?

   A few years ago, I found myself stressed out and tangled up in finding the right gifts for all the kids on my list, especially for my daughter. My husband and I were in a dilemma as she was rapidly outgrowing the "kiddie toys" but not yet wanting the more mature "older kid toys" that stores were offering. We did not want to buy an overpriced toy that would either break or become boring in twenty minutes. Worse, whenever she was asked what she wanted for Christmas, she answered "Boxes." I think my relatives wanted to strangle her. I knew how they felt. Aside from money toward her college education and violin lessons (there are special accounts for these so that the funds are properly applied), I was at a loss at to what item to get my daughter that she would find special or enjoy.

   But my daughter really didn't want any thing. What she really wanted was to go skiing. Daddy often went skiing on with his family on an annual ski trip, and now that she was older, she wanted to go too. But we really didn't have the funds that year. She had no equipment and didn't know how to ski. So we petitioned our relatives. We could afford to send her with Daddy, but maybe they would like to pick up a ski lift ticket? Or a pair of gloves and goggles. Or rental of skis? A half day of lessons anyone? Everyone loved the idea and contributed. It was one of her favorite Christmas gifts. 

   Since then she has received events like indoor sky-diving, horseback riding and a fantastic the craft/sleep over weekend with all her best friends. A toy or two might have been great when she was really little, but memory making trumps all. And memories are what last. If we were going to spend hard earned cash on something, we like it to to meaningful and last. In addition to events, our extended family has purchased mindful items that go along with our daughter's interests. Like the ski goggles and lift tickets, ski lessons and rentals.

   When I finished telling my friend about the events my daughter has enjoyed as presents over the last few years, she had this glow on her face. She knew exactly what two of her daughters wanted. Guinea Pigs and a cage for them to live in. Since she loved animals and caring for them, she was in love with the idea. Her younger children might still pose a challenge, but she was going to give it some hard thought to keep the playing field in her house level. Perhaps a pony ride this spring? A cowboy hat and boots so he could practice playing cowboy in the meantime? Maybe an autograph book with fancy pen and an action figure of one of the characters he would see at a trip to an amusement park? New swim trunks and goggles for a family trip to an indoor water park?

   This year I will do very little shopping. As a matter of fact, I don't intend to set foot in a store until December. Instead I am going to live in the moment and enjoy Thanksgiving. After that I am going to decorate with my family, write out some Christmas cards, attend a parade, listen to the carolers and watch my town light up their Christmas tree. I will help my daughter find an event she might enjoy. When December is in full swing, and only then, will we step inside a store to purchase for the angel tree or charity of choice so that we can make more memories for our family and share the joy of giving.

I might even turn on some Christmas music...shouldn't be hard to find a station.