These two guys walk into a restaurant...

   Title sounds a bit like a joke, doesn't it?

   My parents and I recently went to a restaurant to enjoy a nice lunch together. We picked a place known for it's good food, good service and great atmosphere. No TVs lurking at every corner to blast us with the current news, weather, sports or other programming not of our choosing. No loud radio being played over the speakers for us to shout over. As a matter of fact, this restaurant is great because you can have conversation at normal conversation levels and actually hear one another. I for one like to have conversations at meals. I find distractions and noise make this difficult, if not impossible. This can be even more difficult for my parents as both of them wear hearing aids.

   For those not familiar with the challenges of hearing aids, I will take a moment to explain hearing aids to the hearing world. Hearing aids are meant to amplify sound. In today's age of modern technology, many of these fantastic devices can be tweaked to amplify some pitches more than others. Some of them can be programmed to receive blue-tooth. They are analog and digital, simple and fancy. They come in many shapes, sizes and colors. Some go behind the ear, some go in the ear, some can be mounted on a post or magnet directly on the skull. But in the end, all of the hearing aid devices on the market are designed to do one thing - amplify sound.

   Unfortunately, there can be drawbacks to this. For one, hearing aids don't distinguish where sound comes from. Although these little devices can be tweaked and modified, the average person wearing them cannot tell if a sound comes from the right, left, front or back. This is especially true if a person has hearing only on one side. Another downside is that often, all sound comes in at one level. Both the person talking and the background noise are pretty much amplified the same. This can make communication a bit difficult if in a noisy setting, crowded area or a busy restaurant. All right, this makes communication nearly impossible. Imagine the waitress asks you questions about your order, but you cannot make out what she said over the plates clanking, the latest breaking news about a train wreck somewhere and the kids in the next booth. You resort to pointing at the menu and trying to read her lips, hoping she doesn't get mad because you don't answer the question she is asking or that she has patience with you as you process your lip reading to figure out what she said.  Thank God that there are many good wait staff out there!

   Thus the atmosphere of a restaurant can be a big deal. Just as much as the food. Sometimes maybe more so.

   So back to our restaurant where my folks and I are are laughing and talking and enjoying the good food that has just been brought to our table. In walks these two younger guys and they are seated at the booth right next to us. The place is really busy and there is not a table to spare. No sooner did they sit down when one of them pulls out his cell phone and turns on some sporting event. He cranks the volume all the way up and they both begin to talk loudly over this racket. After a few minutes, my mom asked if there was a radio playing. I nod. After several attempts I communicate that it is from a cell phone at the next table. I really had to be loud to make myself heard. I would have thought that they would have taken the hint. No such luck.

   The waitress comes and takes their order over the noise of the game. My mom turns off her hearing aids. Unable to change tables, we have to sit there listening to some sporting event. We are all frustrated, except maybe my father, who can't hear the game or the guys, despite wearing his hearing aids. Maybe he did not have them on to begin with. Sometimes it is hard to tell. At any rate, we now eat to the noise of the game, and the guys, who even eat loudly.

   Fortunately, they finish their meal before we do. Once they leave, mom turns her hearing aids back on and we can converse. But I have to work to shed my irritation. A large portion of my dining experience was spoiled. And why? Because two guys did not have enough manners at their disposal to know how to behave at a restaurant.  If they wanted to enjoy the game, why not get their meals and take them to the park and listen to the game? There they would not be disturbing anyone else.  Or how about stopping at the sports bar down the block for lunch? I am sure that the game was playing on some station somewhere....and they could have seen the game as well as listened. Heck, if I had wanted to see and hear a game during lunch, I would have picked the wings place down the block. But I did not want to watch (or hear) the game, so I picked this restaurant. I don't know if they were just clueless or too self centered to care about anyone else around them.

   Now you may ask why did I not confront the young men? To be honest, I did think about it, but past experience has made me wary. Self centered individuals can be very volatile. On the other hand, young clueless people sometimes don't think and may just need to be reminded they are not alone. These type will politely apologize for their behavior and cease to be a disturbance. Volatile people react more aggressively. You never know which personality type you are dealing with. I did not come to the restaurant wanting confrontation, I came wanting to relax and enjoy a meal and conversation. Since the other diners did not seem too put out by their actions (they only got a few dirty looks from other tables), I would be alone in my confrontation. And I would be confronting two young men who are either very clueless or very self centered. Guess I was just not in the mood to risk it. Maybe I thought the waitress or the manager should have addressed the situation. Perhaps I really should have put on my batman costume.

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   This might be good material for the TV show "What would you do?"
It sure makes for a lousy joke.

 

 

A Tale of Two Mammograms

   Every woman just loves to go for a mammogram! What can be more exciting than having your intimate parts smooshed and smashed to take pictures of the insides.  And now with great advances in medical technology, these pictures can come in 3-D! It just sounds like a Hollywood dream come true.

   Unfortunately for the medical community, most of us ladies just don't envision ourselves as Hollywood stars of the chest screen. To be honest, we actually dread these "routine" images as more of an elaborate form of torture. Enter a chamber dressed only in a hospital gown (remember-opening on the front), run by a tech with cold hands who manipulates a machine that is equally as cold on which you are to place delicate body parts only to have them pressed uncomfortably tight (sometimes pinching skin in these delicate areas). You are required to hold your breath for a short time and remain absolutely still, all while in the standing position.

   Seriously, who comes up with this stuff? And couldn't we just do a breast self-exam? Do we really need to subject ourselves to the annual mammogram?

   Well, self breast exams are a good idea, and we should be doing these monthly to ensure that there are no unusual lumps or bumps. It is recommended that women start doing breast self exams in their early twenties. A woman can then become more familiar with the structure of their own body. My parts tend to be pretty lumpy and bumpy to start with, so being familiar with one's breasts through monthly self examination is important. But according to an article posted on www.breastcancer.org, only about 20% of breast cancers are found by physical examination rather than mammography. I don't know about the average gal, but I don't know that I like those odds. Furthermore, according to www.cancer.org, a site maintained by American Cancer Society, breast cancer found during screen exams are more likely to be small and confined to the breast. Breast cancers that can be felt tend to be larger and more likely to have spread beyond the breast. Okay, those mammograms are starting to sound better. If I wind up to having a problem, I would rather find it early when it may be more treatable.

   But is there a better option? Well, there are numbers of ways to test for breast cancer (see www.breastcancer.org for a pretty extensive list), but the long and the short is that mammograms seem to be the least invasive way of obtaining data about a woman's breast. New digital mammograms also use less radiation in the screening process, putting women at less risk for maximum benefit.

   Ok, ok, I get it already, but was it really necessary to call me back to have a second set of pictures taken? According to the woman I talked to on the phone, it seemed that the images did not come out as well as they would have liked and they wanted to take another look to make sure they were not looking at a skin flap. So I set up a new appointment, but told them to make sure that the radiologist knew that I wanted confirmation that the pictures were good before I bugged out of the office. In other words, someone was going to have to talk to me before I left the office about what they saw.

    So I went back and the tech in charge of the mammogram this time said that the readings were clear, but they wanted to clarify what they saw. Well, seems we have a conflict in stories. I might have scheduled the appointment a little sooner if I knew that, but no biggie, it was only a two day difference between the first appointment offered and the one I actually booked. After all the pictures were taken during my second mammogram, I was asked if could I hang around just in case they wanted still more images or an ultrasound. Sure, why not. After all, they did offer me coffee or soda while I waited. I wondered if the lady who made my appointment wrote down that I was not leaving without results. I sat chatting with another woman in the small waiting room outside the labs.

   Ten minutes later, I was to get an ultrasound. Hey, now that is what I call quick turn around time. When I inquired why, the response was because I was asymmetrical. No kidding? I could have told them that! And if they needed confirmation, all they needed to do was look at my previous mammograms, should be listed on there, I remember seeing it before. (I know the previous mammograms were not 3-D, but they did look at them, right?) I got an odd look, but no answer to this. But I figured it wouldn't hurt do do an ultrasound, even if it meant I would have to take another shower when I got home to get off all the goop they use. Big plus, goop and ultrasound wand are warm.

   After ultrasound, I wait another fifteen minutes until the smiling technician comes back and announces that all looks clear and I don't need another mammogram for year. I am just asymmetrical, as are many, many, many women. I smiled, thanked them for the quick response time and made my way out of the office and home to my shower. That goop sure gets everywhere!

   Later I reflected on my experience and wondered if there could have been a better way to handle all this testing. I know men get breast cancer...how do they test them? I cannot see the average guy getting an annual mammogram. Heck, I have a hard time imagining a smaller breasted woman getting one. So using my trusty Google search engine, I did some research.  Same two sites that I listed earlier (www.breastcancer.org and www.cancer.org) came up with the bulk of the information I was looking for.

   Turns out, a man's lifetime risk for developing breast cancer is 1 in 1000 as opposed to a woman's lifetime risk of 1 in 8. Men's screening therefore is not as developed and breast cancer is often is not detected until it is more advanced. Actual testing for men relies heavily on physical examination as well as their pre-disposition to getting this type of cancer (please read more www.breastcancer.org if you want to learn more). There was a lot of information, primarily directed at women (who are at more risk) about screening and testing and signs and symptoms. My brain started to go into overload. I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to look up information if you have had a finding. I am grateful to the women in my life who encouraged me to get regular exams as well as the opportunity to have my curiosity peaked to do more research on the subject at this time. Should I ever have a positive result (I learned through my research that what I experienced was called a false positive result), I feel confident about finding the resources to help me make educated decisions along side my team of doctors.

   If you too have questions about breast cancer, testing, diagnosis, treatments and options,  I recommend the following sites:  www.breastcancer.org , www.cancer.org, www.cancer.org, www.nationalbreastcancer.org

   And I recommend getting regular mammograms.

Is it summer break yet?

   I am of the opinion that school should let out for summer break the Friday before Memorial Day. After that date, we are all pretty burnt out and struggle to make it through our day to day operations. And what exactly are they doing in school for those last two weeks anyway?

   Two days of the last two weeks, my daughter had two hours of homework to be turned in the next day. Seriously, this is fourth grade! It felt like a flash back to earlier in the year. In a previous post I noted that they had run out of time in class and sent work home. Some of this was "busy work" and took time without actually teaching. My respect for homework has long since run out this year and I could have cared less if she cut out the little papers and glued them neatly in order on a second piece of paper. And how exactly was I supposed to help my daughter with her math homework? They ran out of time in class and the teacher said her parents could help her at home to figure out the volume of cones and pyramids. Yeah, cause I build pyramids in the back yard all the time and have the formula at the tip of my tongue. Again, we seem to have no math book. Thank heavens for the internet. What did parents do before the world wide web? Still other days, there seemed to be no homework due to class trips and school events. Not enough time to cover subjects in school?

   This year we had to make up four days of the school year due to inclement weather during the winter. Otherwise, the students and teachers would lose four days of learning opportunities. During the last four days there was movie day, clean out your locker day and clean out your desk day. Granted, they did finish up a few projects, such as talk to the younger grades about what to expect in the next grade and finish the group project on simple machines in science. They also had a spelling bee, which my daughter greatly enjoyed. So that was worth it, although they ran out of time to finish the bee.  Is it me, or are we starting to see a time theme here?

   On the home front, things were getting pretty loose as well. When I ran out of fruit one morning, I substituted by packing two cookies instead. What? Don't kids like cookies? On cooler days, setting out outfits the night before consisted of finding a pair of jeans that were not too short and a top to go with them. I don't think anyone with kids shops for pants this time of year. Soon it will be too freaking hot to wear them and by the time fall comes around, kids will have outgrown everything anyway. We still manage to get the bus stop before the bus does.

   I was flooded with relief yesterday when I packed the last school lunch of the year. We were both so overjoyed when she stepped off the bus that afternoon that it took twenty minutes before we unloaded her back pack to review what she brought home - like her report card and school registration materials. Of course, there were all the unused school supplies that she brought home, as well as lightly used school supplies, such as the spiral bound notebook that she needed for reading. They used ten whole pages. There was also a 24 pack of crayons, never opened, and brand new markers, erasers and pens that had never seen the light of day. I was too happy that summer had started to be irritated that there was still an unopened pack of lined loose leaf notebook paper from her locker.

   While she went out back to play in the sunshine, I looked over the registration schedule and school supply list for next year. PTO offers a school supply box that you can purchase that will include all the supplies they will need for next year for the low cost of $30. Or I can just pull out the ten pages from the spiral bound notebook used this year, repack her book bag with all the unused stuff from last year and buy a new three ring binder and some post it notes. What to do? My brain is too fried to deal with this just now, so I think I will ponder it over the summer and make my decision next fall.

I

   Happy summer everyone!


 

Ever wonder what makes a good day?

   Some days are better than others.

   My day started out after my kid was on the bus. I had a cup of coffee and was catching up on my emails. Then the phone rang. It was the radiologist. I need to come back and have another mammogram on both breasts. Something about the originals did not come out (I assume they meant photos, not breasts). Oh boy! Lucky me! Can't wait. Why don't I do this more often? I schedule for next week. I am already busy for the rest of this week.

   I decide to change into jeans and tee shirt and head off to my girlfriend's house to pack boxes.  She is prepping to move and I have some free time today.  Takes me 10 minutes to convince the bird she needs to go back in her cage. Then I leave home.

   I am passed on the one lane entrance ramp to the highway. Evidently 30mph isn't fast enough. A little further along, I learn some new interesting driving maneuvers when the semi truck next to me decides to changes lanes, and I am still in the one he selected.

Hurricane

   I get to my friend's house and am greeted at the door by one happy dog! The cat lifts his leg and begins cleaning himself. I open windows to let the wonderful breeze in. Then I grab the dog's leash to take him out back.

   I check out the grass up close and personal. Yup, still wet from yesterday's rain.

   Dog cowers under backyard tree while I yell at him. I yell at squirrel for good measure.

   Back in house I select boxes to start packing up the white cabinet on my instruction list. I accidentally lock cat in the box room.

   I pack all the glass items from the white cabinet carefully. I write down a detailed list of what is in the boxes. I feel creative and make up a new random system for numbering boxes. I label everything study because I like the color of the labels.

   I finish the white cabinet and head back to get more boxes. I trip over cat as he streaks out of box room.

   With new boxes, I start packing up punch bowl cups. I lose count after about 200.

    For a change of scenery, I take the purple Rubbermaid container and pack up all the fancy dolls in the bed room. Unable to decide if I want to label this box Kitchen or Living Room, I leave the tote on my friend's bed. She can decide later. I am hungry.

   I discover the cats have left me no shrimp or lobster for lunch. So I decide to make myself an egg burrito. I worry that she might miss a tortilla, after all, there are only about 100 in the fridge. I get out pan and attempt to turn on the stove.

  After I blow up house, I cook my egg on the smoldering cinders. I eat my tasty egg burrito on the melted Rubbermaid tote and wash up the dishes I used. No sense in making a mess.

   Getting back to work, I struggle to get the tape off the dispenser. After a long hard struggle (and some language that would make a sailor blush), I get some of the clear tape free of the roll, storm out in the back yard and tape the squirrel to the tree. That will teach that rodent to laugh at me!

   Now out of tape, I think I have pretty much done all I can do for a day. I have to get back to get my daughter off the bus after all. I close all windows and lock all doors and head out.

   Driving home on the expressway, I discover that I missed the memo that all the speed limits signs on the expressway are now obsolete. Speed limit now 110 mph.

I

  I pass an unmarked squad car with the front in smashed in. About 100 yards ahead of the car is a semi truck. I know it is a squad since the officer has the lights going in the back window. Someone is having a really bad day.

  I give thanks that I am not having a really bad day.

   I wait for the bus. Today is the last day of school! I think we will play in the yard in the beautiful weather, but only after we empty out the backpack and the lunch box. We don't want a repeat of last year and find a sandwich when school starts in the fall!

Jonah, Dude, God Said Nineveh!

   As the school year rapidly draws to an end and I prepare for summer schedule with my daughter, I find myself reflecting on events from the past year and thinking about where I am going in the next chapter of my life. I think about what it is I want to accomplish and I plan out strategies to fulfill my goals. I have an agenda. Maybe not exactly the one God has in mind for me, but it is a good one.

   Jonah and I have a lot in common.

   I read the story of Jonah to my 4th grade Religious Education class (that is what they call catechism these days) during our lesson about listening to God and loving God. Okay, it was maybe more of interpretation of the story. Like Bill Cosby in his telling of the story of Noah. You can find a video of  a young Bill Cosby telling the story as it could have been on YouTube (just Google Bill Cosby story of Noah). For my story, you have to either attend 4th grade RE class or continue to read my blog!

   I started the story like this:

   "Jonah," says God. "Go to Nineveh and tell them I know they are bad and am going to destroy their city."

    "Scuse me?" says Jonah. "Where?"

    "Nineveh."

   "You gotta be kidding me. You know how bad them people is! They would kill their own grandmother for a pack of cigarettes."

   "Nineveh." counters God, so Jonah starts off down the street to start his mission. But he isn't happy about it.

   "Nineveh," he mutters. "A person could get killed there! And I am sure God don't want me killed. What good would I be to him if I were dead? Nineveh - Hmph!" As Jonah walks, he sees a boat loading cargo. He hails the boat.

   "Where you all going?" he calls.

   "Tarshish." answers the crew. Jonah thinks about this for a minute.

I

   "Sign me on!" he hollars back. And after paying his fare, Jonah heads below deck to catch a quick nap. "I'll show him." he tells himself. "Those good people in Tarshish need to hear the word of the Lord. Won't God be surprised when he sees just what good people can do when they hear his word. Nineveh! They wouldn't listen if I paid them."

   

   And with this, Jonah falls asleep and the ship sets sail. But they aren't sailing too long before the weather gets kinda rough. Jonah is awakened by the captain as he is hauling a huge barrel of cargo to the stairs.

   "Hey you, lazybones! Get up and help. We are sinking in this storm! We gotta get the cargo off the ship! And we are praying for help! Pray to your God, maybe he will feel sorry for us!"  Jonah jumps up and helps, but the storm just gets worse. Despite the cargo being unloaded, the ship seems to be destined to sink, so the sailors draw straws to see who is to blame. Naturally Jonah's straw is the short one.

   "Aw man, what did you do?" the sailors ask him. Jonah tells them. "So what should we do?" they ask him.

  "Um, throw me overboard and the sea will calm down. It is all my fault that you are all caught in this storm." replies Jonah, feeling sorry for the sailors he got into this mess.

   The sailors, being nice guys, don't want to throw Jonah in the sea where he would die, so they try to row to shore, but the storm just gets worse and worse. Finally they see it is no use, they have to throw Jonah off the ship.

  "Jonah, we are really sorry, and we don't want to make God mad at us for killing you by throwing you in the sea, but man, we gotta do what we gotta do." And into the sea goes Jonah with a splash.

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   Immediately the storm clears and the sea becomes smooth. The sailors cheer and thank God as the sails fill with a beautiful breeze. As they sail off, they began singing praises to God and promise to serve the Lord of the Hebrews for the rest of their days. (Insert kids singing praises like sailors here.)

  

   "Um, guys." calls Jonah. "Guys, can you give me a lift back to port? Guys! The water is cold. I don't know how long I can tread water!" But the ship is too far to hear Jonah.

   Suddenly there is a wave and Jonah is sucked under the water. Then next thing he knows is he is wet, and it is cold and dark and stinks of dead fish.  I mean really stinks. Everything seems to be moving and Jonah is afraid and knows he has been swallowed by a great big fish. Sad and stinky, Jonah prays to God. 

   At this point, my class and I read the prayer of Jonah from the bible. We want Jonah to live. Jonah wants Jonah to live.  After three days, the fish coughs up Jonah on shore. One of the boys does an excellent belch to imitate the fish! God speaks to Jonah again.

   "Go to Nineveh, that great city, and proclaim to the people the message I have given you." 

  "All right, all right." answers Jonah. And just then he sees a person walking down the shore. "Hey, where am I? he asks.

   "Just outside of Nineveh." the man responds. "Just take that path up the hill to the road and it is a short walk to the city."

   "Um, thanks." said Jonah. He squares his shoulders, then climbs the path and heads into the city. Once there, he begins to proclaim God's word. The city is huge, maybe bigger than Chicago, so he has to walk a lot and proclaim a lot. 

   "God knows what ya'll have been doing. He is angry with the people of Nineveh. In 40 days, Ninevah will be destroyed!" Jonah shouts every few blocks to make sure everyone gets the message. He sure wishes that radio had been invented, or at least the microphone. Shouting is hard on the throat and tiring work.

   Everyone hears the message, including the king. They decided to beg God's forgiveness. The king tells everyone to put on sackcloth including the cows and sheep, and fast and pray. Everyone knows what fasting and praying are, but we have quite a discussion about just how itchy and nasty sackcloth would be to wear. We think it pretty funny the people make the animals wear it too.

   Jonah, having gone through the whole city doing his proclaiming, climbs up a hill just outside the city and waits. God, seeing that the people of Nineveh are really and truly sorry, forgives them and doesn't punish the city.

   But is Jonah happy? OH NO! Jonah is Pissed Off! (Sorry parents, I really did not know that pissed off was a swear word. Where I come from, it is merely a severe word that is only used when the strongest of emotions are expressed. We had a discussion about swear words at this point.) Jonah stomps his feet. He shakes his fist to God. He has a royal tantrum and throws himself on the ground.

   "I am so mad, I am just gonna die!" Jonah declares. 

   "Why are you mad?" asks God

   "Cause I came all this way, through a storm and in a stinky fish and all, and you are not going to punish these people at all. That is why I wanted to go to Tarshish! I knew you were gonna get all nice and everything and change your mind. I just wanna die!" Jonah yells back and he stomps his way to the top of the hill where there are no plants growing and throws himself to the ground in the hot sun.

   The kids are surprised. Why is Jonah so mad? I tell them to think of their favorite toy. Now imagine your sister or brother or friend comes over and deliberately breaks it. They throw it on the ground and smash it. So you run tell your mom and you mom comes in the room and she says, "Are you sorry?" 

   Your friend nods. And does she send him home or to her room? Nooooo. She just says, "That's okay. I forgive you. Lets all go in the kitchen and have a snack."

   Just like that. It is all over. Your brother or sister or friend is forgiven. Your toy is still broke. Are you happy with the ending? No one gets punished and you don't get a new toy. Everyone has to think about this a bit, and they conclude that they would be pretty mad with mom, just like Jonah is with God.

  So we continue the story. God grows a plant. When Jonah wakes in the morning, he has cool shade to sit in and is very pleased. But the plant withers away and dies. Jonah again wishes that he were dead.

  "What right do you have to be mad?" God asks Jonah.

  "I have every right to be mad!" Jonah shouts at God. "Here was this great plant with shade, and you went and killed it. What did that plant ever do to you? I am so mad I could die!

   Then the Lord said to Jonah. "I grew this plant, not you. You didn't plant it, you didn't tend it, you didn't water it or make it grow. Yet you feel sorry for the plant because it died! How much more then," he continued, "Should I feel sorry for the city of Nineveh, a city of people I have made, a city of over 120,000 people and filled with innocent children as well as many animals?"

   The kid's response was that it was too bad that Jonah did not recognize that the Lord sent him to save the city, not just to tell them he was gonna destroy it. We talked about that broken toy and how important it was to forgive the person who was sorry for their actions. We don't always know what is going on in that person's life that may have caused such bad behaviour. That sometimes we cannot see what mom is doing when she doesn't punish someone, because we are too busy being mad or trying to do things our way.  One of the kid pointed out that if we really loved a person, we could forgive them. Another pointed out that Jonah had to work on loving the Lord and trusting him to make good decisions. 4th graders are pretty smart. I sure learned a lot!

   I relate to this story. I think the kids did too. Here I am, trying to do things my way, to achieve my goals. I get ever so mad when things don't go my way. I stomp my feet, I create excuses, and I fail to see the bigger picture. (Sometimes I even get pissed off.)

  I am thankful that I don't live near the sea. I could just see a big fish in my future. 

   My mom always tells me to go ahead and make plans, God could use a good laugh. I think I hear a great big belly laugh coming from somewhere. Maybe I had better make those summer plans open ended.