Jonah, Dude, God Said Nineveh!

   As the school year rapidly draws to an end and I prepare for summer schedule with my daughter, I find myself reflecting on events from the past year and thinking about where I am going in the next chapter of my life. I think about what it is I want to accomplish and I plan out strategies to fulfill my goals. I have an agenda. Maybe not exactly the one God has in mind for me, but it is a good one.

   Jonah and I have a lot in common.

   I read the story of Jonah to my 4th grade Religious Education class (that is what they call catechism these days) during our lesson about listening to God and loving God. Okay, it was maybe more of interpretation of the story. Like Bill Cosby in his telling of the story of Noah. You can find a video of  a young Bill Cosby telling the story as it could have been on YouTube (just Google Bill Cosby story of Noah). For my story, you have to either attend 4th grade RE class or continue to read my blog!

   I started the story like this:

   "Jonah," says God. "Go to Nineveh and tell them I know they are bad and am going to destroy their city."

    "Scuse me?" says Jonah. "Where?"

    "Nineveh."

   "You gotta be kidding me. You know how bad them people is! They would kill their own grandmother for a pack of cigarettes."

   "Nineveh." counters God, so Jonah starts off down the street to start his mission. But he isn't happy about it.

   "Nineveh," he mutters. "A person could get killed there! And I am sure God don't want me killed. What good would I be to him if I were dead? Nineveh - Hmph!" As Jonah walks, he sees a boat loading cargo. He hails the boat.

   "Where you all going?" he calls.

   "Tarshish." answers the crew. Jonah thinks about this for a minute.

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   "Sign me on!" he hollars back. And after paying his fare, Jonah heads below deck to catch a quick nap. "I'll show him." he tells himself. "Those good people in Tarshish need to hear the word of the Lord. Won't God be surprised when he sees just what good people can do when they hear his word. Nineveh! They wouldn't listen if I paid them."

   

   And with this, Jonah falls asleep and the ship sets sail. But they aren't sailing too long before the weather gets kinda rough. Jonah is awakened by the captain as he is hauling a huge barrel of cargo to the stairs.

   "Hey you, lazybones! Get up and help. We are sinking in this storm! We gotta get the cargo off the ship! And we are praying for help! Pray to your God, maybe he will feel sorry for us!"  Jonah jumps up and helps, but the storm just gets worse. Despite the cargo being unloaded, the ship seems to be destined to sink, so the sailors draw straws to see who is to blame. Naturally Jonah's straw is the short one.

   "Aw man, what did you do?" the sailors ask him. Jonah tells them. "So what should we do?" they ask him.

  "Um, throw me overboard and the sea will calm down. It is all my fault that you are all caught in this storm." replies Jonah, feeling sorry for the sailors he got into this mess.

   The sailors, being nice guys, don't want to throw Jonah in the sea where he would die, so they try to row to shore, but the storm just gets worse and worse. Finally they see it is no use, they have to throw Jonah off the ship.

  "Jonah, we are really sorry, and we don't want to make God mad at us for killing you by throwing you in the sea, but man, we gotta do what we gotta do." And into the sea goes Jonah with a splash.

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   Immediately the storm clears and the sea becomes smooth. The sailors cheer and thank God as the sails fill with a beautiful breeze. As they sail off, they began singing praises to God and promise to serve the Lord of the Hebrews for the rest of their days. (Insert kids singing praises like sailors here.)

  

   "Um, guys." calls Jonah. "Guys, can you give me a lift back to port? Guys! The water is cold. I don't know how long I can tread water!" But the ship is too far to hear Jonah.

   Suddenly there is a wave and Jonah is sucked under the water. Then next thing he knows is he is wet, and it is cold and dark and stinks of dead fish.  I mean really stinks. Everything seems to be moving and Jonah is afraid and knows he has been swallowed by a great big fish. Sad and stinky, Jonah prays to God. 

   At this point, my class and I read the prayer of Jonah from the bible. We want Jonah to live. Jonah wants Jonah to live.  After three days, the fish coughs up Jonah on shore. One of the boys does an excellent belch to imitate the fish! God speaks to Jonah again.

   "Go to Nineveh, that great city, and proclaim to the people the message I have given you." 

  "All right, all right." answers Jonah. And just then he sees a person walking down the shore. "Hey, where am I? he asks.

   "Just outside of Nineveh." the man responds. "Just take that path up the hill to the road and it is a short walk to the city."

   "Um, thanks." said Jonah. He squares his shoulders, then climbs the path and heads into the city. Once there, he begins to proclaim God's word. The city is huge, maybe bigger than Chicago, so he has to walk a lot and proclaim a lot. 

   "God knows what ya'll have been doing. He is angry with the people of Nineveh. In 40 days, Ninevah will be destroyed!" Jonah shouts every few blocks to make sure everyone gets the message. He sure wishes that radio had been invented, or at least the microphone. Shouting is hard on the throat and tiring work.

   Everyone hears the message, including the king. They decided to beg God's forgiveness. The king tells everyone to put on sackcloth including the cows and sheep, and fast and pray. Everyone knows what fasting and praying are, but we have quite a discussion about just how itchy and nasty sackcloth would be to wear. We think it pretty funny the people make the animals wear it too.

   Jonah, having gone through the whole city doing his proclaiming, climbs up a hill just outside the city and waits. God, seeing that the people of Nineveh are really and truly sorry, forgives them and doesn't punish the city.

   But is Jonah happy? OH NO! Jonah is Pissed Off! (Sorry parents, I really did not know that pissed off was a swear word. Where I come from, it is merely a severe word that is only used when the strongest of emotions are expressed. We had a discussion about swear words at this point.) Jonah stomps his feet. He shakes his fist to God. He has a royal tantrum and throws himself on the ground.

   "I am so mad, I am just gonna die!" Jonah declares. 

   "Why are you mad?" asks God

   "Cause I came all this way, through a storm and in a stinky fish and all, and you are not going to punish these people at all. That is why I wanted to go to Tarshish! I knew you were gonna get all nice and everything and change your mind. I just wanna die!" Jonah yells back and he stomps his way to the top of the hill where there are no plants growing and throws himself to the ground in the hot sun.

   The kids are surprised. Why is Jonah so mad? I tell them to think of their favorite toy. Now imagine your sister or brother or friend comes over and deliberately breaks it. They throw it on the ground and smash it. So you run tell your mom and you mom comes in the room and she says, "Are you sorry?" 

   Your friend nods. And does she send him home or to her room? Nooooo. She just says, "That's okay. I forgive you. Lets all go in the kitchen and have a snack."

   Just like that. It is all over. Your brother or sister or friend is forgiven. Your toy is still broke. Are you happy with the ending? No one gets punished and you don't get a new toy. Everyone has to think about this a bit, and they conclude that they would be pretty mad with mom, just like Jonah is with God.

  So we continue the story. God grows a plant. When Jonah wakes in the morning, he has cool shade to sit in and is very pleased. But the plant withers away and dies. Jonah again wishes that he were dead.

  "What right do you have to be mad?" God asks Jonah.

  "I have every right to be mad!" Jonah shouts at God. "Here was this great plant with shade, and you went and killed it. What did that plant ever do to you? I am so mad I could die!

   Then the Lord said to Jonah. "I grew this plant, not you. You didn't plant it, you didn't tend it, you didn't water it or make it grow. Yet you feel sorry for the plant because it died! How much more then," he continued, "Should I feel sorry for the city of Nineveh, a city of people I have made, a city of over 120,000 people and filled with innocent children as well as many animals?"

   The kid's response was that it was too bad that Jonah did not recognize that the Lord sent him to save the city, not just to tell them he was gonna destroy it. We talked about that broken toy and how important it was to forgive the person who was sorry for their actions. We don't always know what is going on in that person's life that may have caused such bad behaviour. That sometimes we cannot see what mom is doing when she doesn't punish someone, because we are too busy being mad or trying to do things our way.  One of the kid pointed out that if we really loved a person, we could forgive them. Another pointed out that Jonah had to work on loving the Lord and trusting him to make good decisions. 4th graders are pretty smart. I sure learned a lot!

   I relate to this story. I think the kids did too. Here I am, trying to do things my way, to achieve my goals. I get ever so mad when things don't go my way. I stomp my feet, I create excuses, and I fail to see the bigger picture. (Sometimes I even get pissed off.)

  I am thankful that I don't live near the sea. I could just see a big fish in my future. 

   My mom always tells me to go ahead and make plans, God could use a good laugh. I think I hear a great big belly laugh coming from somewhere. Maybe I had better make those summer plans open ended.