No quick burst of joy cleaning the toilet

   So I had a new "get real" moment the other day. I was grousing about how I don't feel I am accomplishing anything lately. Seems like I go around a lot and get nothing done. Doesn't help that I hurt my back two weeks ago and seem to have pulled every other muscle in my body since. Or that I am tired and lethargic all the time. Or that I just feel plain lazy.

   Oh sure, folks tell me that I am accomplishing lots and that I am one busy lady.

   Yeah, like I believe lots of folks. I have also been told that Elvis works at the gas station down the street. I don't think so. So instead I have been searching for why I feel so lazy and why I seem to get nothing done all the time. Looking for what I am missing. Is it depression? Am I not tuned into my life? What does God want me to do? I went to the spiritual gifts workshop and I can't say that there were a lot of great revelations. I found some things I would like to explore, but I seem to know what my gifts are and have been using my talents to hone these gifts. So what gives?

   Then my 10 year old daughter turns to me after I finished grousing the other day and she said, "Mom, you do a lot and get a lot done, but you are not writing, so you just don't feel like you did anything."

   Wow. 

   No quiet messages for me. No whisper in the night. I always said that when God talks to me, he generally has to shout to get past the voices in my head.

   That was pretty loud.

   And should have been pretty obvious. I mean really. Am I not the one that talks about how much I enjoy writing? How it gives me great satisfaction and profound joy? Did I not say that I derive immense satisfaction from writing, even if just a short email or a quick letter to a friend?

   I thought back over all that I have done over the last two weeks. Laundry and errands, grocery shopping and cleaning floors. My list was pretty long. I was pretty busy.

   But I did not recall any quick burst of joy when cleaning the toilet.

   Nor could I remember feeling elated when I folded and put away the clean clothes.

   Can't comment on how I felt emptying the dishwasher - cause I have been avoiding doing that chore like the plague and my wonderful husband has been putting the dishes away. Hey, I did load the dishwasher, put soap in it and turned it on! Isn't that half the battle? And yes, I know, I strategically located the dishes to be put away in the cabinet directly above the dishwasher...but that seems so far to reach after bending over to take the dishes out of the dishwasher. BUT, I digress. If I had put the dishes away, I doubt that I would have even had a glimmer of satisfaction from finishing the task.

   So what was I doing? What person in their right mind would do everything EXCEPT what they truly knew in their very being to be their calling?

   A NUT.

   Being honest with yourself can be a bit brutal. Be careful to only be honest with yourself when you have a nice cup of tea and some chocolate to console yourself with afterward. But when your ten year old calls you out on something, it is time to face the music. And start making self imposed deadlines on what really matters. I am pretty sure at this point that it ain't mopping the kitchen.

   I highly suggest to everyone that they stop and take account of what they love and what is important to them. Consider what it is that brings them joy and ask themselves "Is this what I am doing right now?"

    If you don't, I am going to sic my 10 year old on you. And then you had better have the tea and chocolate on hand.