When the sales calls come a-ringing

   It seems my phone number has become popular again with loads of sales people offering to do everything for me, from tiling my bathroom and maintaining my yard to fixing my credit card debt and getting me a better deal on my cable bill...even though I don't currently have cable or a bill. With all the enticing offers, what is a poor gal to do?

   I know, I know, quit my grousing and put my phone list on the National Do Not Call Registry. The National Do Not Call Registry gives you a choice about whether to receive telemarketing calls at home. Most telemarketers should not call your number once it has been on the registry for 31 days. If they do, you can file a complaint at this Website. You can register your home or mobile phone for free. Heck, you can register up to three numbers at a time! 72 hours later, you should receive notification that your number was added to the registry. Just that easy.

    Sure thing, I can do that, AGAIN. As I have several times before. And that will protect me from telemarketer calls. Well, a lot of them, anyway. Unless they are from non-for-profit organizations. Or a company I have done business with (you know, like bought something from). Or a company that is owned by a company that I have done business with. Or a political organization. The last is the worst - they hijack your phone with automated calls that do not hang up after you do. I dare you, try to make a call after you hang up on one of these calls - my experience is that the message will still be playing! Boy, good thing I have another phone in case of emergency.

    But you may note in the above paragraph I said AGAIN. Yes, I have registered my phone number before. But evidently I did business with a company that owns a whole bunch of other companies, and I have to tell each of these companies to stop calling me before I can register a complaint. Quite frankly, I don't have the patience to wait through the entire automated message for most of them to tell them to stop calling. And for rest - I don't have a great deal of time to fill out complaint forms.

   So why do I answer the phone? At home I am too cheap for caller ID. On my cell phone, many places, like the school where my kid goes, the doctor's office, come up as "unknown". And really don't want to miss a call from the school to tell me that my kid has cracked her head on the playground. Or the doctor's office to verify an appointment change. Yes, I know, with most telemarketing calls there is a pause between the time you pick up the call and the time that the caller picks up the line on their end. But the same is true for a lot of my friends calling me on their cell phones. I used to just hang up when I heard the pause, but that really made some of my friends mad, so I have started using a new strategy.  One that keeps my friends and family happy and that has proven to be fun and sometimes effective. What do I do? Well it depends on on how I feel at the moment.

1st scenario
   Caller: Hello, is Tina there?
   Me: I am sorry, who is this?
   Caller: I am (insert name) with (insert company) and we would like to offer you....
   Me: Do you always address complete strangers by their first name? I find this rude and offensive. I also think that you should consider identifying yourself first. It is also rude to demand information from someone you just called and don't know. Until you can modify your business practices to more formal and acceptable means, do not call this number again.

2nd scenario
   Caller: Hello, may I speak to Tina?
    Me: I am sorry, she passed away. Did you know her?
    Caller:

3rd scenario
   Caller: Hello, may I speak to Tina?
   Me: Who?
   Caller: Tina (mangles last name)
   Me: Who?
   Caller: Is there a head of the household there I can talk to?
   Me: Who?

4th scenario
   Caller: Hello, may I speak to Mrs. (mangled last name)
   Me: She just left with the police, can I take a message?
   Caller: Is there a better time we can call?
    Me: Sure, about 10-15 years.

5th scenario
   Caller: Hello, I am (insert fictional name) with (insert company name). May I speak to (mangled last name)
   Me: HELLO?
   Caller: Hello, I ....
   Me: HELLO? HELLO? ANYONE THERE?
   Caller: Hello, I
   Me: HELLO! HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE THERE? DID YOU JUST BUTT DIAL ME? HEEELLOOOOO.
   Caller:

   Occasionally I will get a creative telemarketer, and then I have to modify my strategy, but that can be fun too. I have asked telemarketers if they want to put siding
just my apartment or the entire complex, what my current credit rating is that they can improve it, the name of their cat/dog/grandmother and even if I can sell them something.

   So what do I recommend? Add your phone number/numbers to the Do Not Call Registry to cut back on the number of marketers that can reach you, and enjoy the rest!

Special service announcement: The FTC does not allow private companies or other such third parties to register consumers for the National Do Not Call Registry. Websites or phone solicitations that claim they can or will register a consumer’s name or phone number on the National Do Not Call Registry — especially those that charge a fee — are almost certainly a scam. Consumers may register directly, or through some state governments, but never through private companies. For consumers, the National Do Not Call Registry is a free service of the federal government.