It is that time of year when we reflect on our lives and give thanks for all the wonderful things that we have been given. In our reflection, we should consider not only all the trials and tribulations that we have encountered, but also all the joys and blessings.
Turns out, I am not all that thankful. Don't get me wrong, my life has not been horrible over the last year. Although there has been much stress and strain in our day to day lives, there have been joys and blessings sprinkled in abundance. I have eaten great food, played in the sun, relaxed in the shade, and enjoyed the company of fantastic friends and family. I have a roof over my head, clothes that keep me warm and plenty to eat. My family has had pretty good health and there have been no rides in the back of an ambulance to local emergency facilities. I am surrounded by warm and loving people. Yet, I am not particularly thankful.
Sounds pretty horrible, doesn't it? But the definition of thankful is "feeling pleased and relieved." I am just not feeling it. What I am feeling is a bit frustrated. Somewhat grumpy and a little angry. Unhappy with my current status. Maybe a bit selfish. And a touch of a headache.
I still give thanks to God every morning and every evening for the gifts in my life. I know that I am so fortunate to have so much when others have so little. I just don't feel all that pleased and relieved. And I worry, is that wrong? Does that make me ungrateful, spoiled and unappreciative?
Imagine my surprise when I heard the words today during bible study that I don't have to feel thankful to give thanks. That it is by grace that I give thanks. And that grace is enough. Maybe I feel a touch relieved now. With this enlightenment, I found the answer to some of my questions. No, I am not ungrateful. I am actually very grateful for all the wonders and gifts in my life. Being grateful means feeling appreciation. I feel appreciation for all that has happened to me in the past year (yes, even some of the crappy stuff). Appreciation is recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something. I fully enjoy the good qualities of the people that surround me and continue to be amazed that these people are in my life at all. Maybe I don't always understand the full worth of something that has happened, but I do know that each event that has occurred is part of a bigger picture, the width and breadth of which I may not ever be able to see from my limited perspective.
Thank heavens my limited perspective doesn't define the world. I fear it would be a rather small and empty place if it were so. I give thanks for what I have experienced, the good and the bad, all of which have helped me grow as an individual. I have learned not only how to be a stronger person, but more importantly, how to accept my weakness and dependence that plays a part in the lives of others. I give thanks for the people in my lives, those that have helped me, supported me, annoyed me and provoked me. Without them I cannot hope to strive to be the person I was meant to be.
I am grateful that I heard those words on a DVD at bible study today. They remind me that I am human and don't have to have superhero powers, look a certain way, act a certain way or feel a particular way. That it is okay to feel frustrated, grumpy, angry, unhappy and a bit selfish. I think I better understand the words of Paul in 2Corinthians 12:9 when God's answer to his prayers is "My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak."
Last week I was given a Gratitude (blessings) Journal. I thought this was to be a place that I was going to record all the wonderful things that had happened each day in my life to help me feel thankful for all of God's works. I thought it was to help me recognize everyday blessings so that I didn't walk around angry and grumpy like a spoiled child. However, turns out this gift was something greater. With my morning Epiphany, I now know what to do with it. It is not just a place for recording all the terrific things in my life that ought to make me feel thankful, but rather it is a time and a place to jot down feelings and contemplate a deeper appreciation for the world around me. Even the part of it that isn't so great and makes me feel crappy. Thank you Beth.
I may not feel relieved and pleased, but what I have is gratitude, appreciation and grace. And that is enough.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Friday, December 5, 2014
Do I judge?
I was asked recently if I judge others by their appearances. With all the turmoil in our country lately stemming from cases of racial bias and violence, this has become a pretty hot button topic. To many, it is the equivalent of asking a person if they are prejudiced. The question may have been phrased innocently and not meant to threaten, yet in the midst of a group of people, it is a question that can make a person uncomfortable.
Yet I answered honestly. Yes. I do often judge others by their appearances. Matter of fact, probably most of the time. I can't help it. And yes, it does sometimes cloud my judgement.
The other person responded that they did not judge others by appearance.
Really? Truly? Seriously? I find that hard to believe. Why?
Because when I see a man with a bowl haircut and a beard, wearing dark clothing, I assume he is Amish. Especially if I see him with a horse and buggy.
Because when I meet a woman wearing a low cut top that exposes her neck line down to her navel, a short skirt that doesn't cover her bottom and skyscraper heels saying "Hey babe." To all the guys who pass, I don't think, hey, she must be a kindergarten teacher.
Because when I see a young woman in the grocery store wearing yoga pants and a baggy hoodie, I figure she must be either a college student or mom of young kids.
Because when I pass a young man on the street wearing baggie jeans that hang below his butt, bandanna tied around his head and a baseball cap sitting sideways, my first thought is not, there goes a Boy Scout.
Because when I meet an older person walking around with small children, I draw the conclusion that they are a grandparent.
Because when I am out and I find people are watching me instead of minding their own business, I get nervous and keep a diligent watch on my purse.
Does that make me prejudiced? You bet. And could this be a problem? Yes, it could. Not only could, but is a problem. My judgement clouds how I respond to a person I have only just met. I am not as likely to be friendly to someone who I think could be a thug as I am to someone I perceive as a grandparent. I may be more reserved with an Amish man than I would with someone I think is a young mom. Most of these reactions are garnered from experience that my life has given me. Some of it has been taught to me by society. And a few are just quirks that are a part of my personality. If you think I am alone, you have only to turn on TV to watch programs like Style by Jury, Diva on a Dime, or Making First Impressions. All these shows focus on how a person's appearance and behavior affect persons they encounter.
Unfortunately, my conclusions can be (and sometimes are) incorrect. Very incorrect. I try to keep this in mind when I interact with people on a day to day basis. I try not to jump to conclusions. I try to remember that just because TV portrays bad guys as dressing and walking one way, does not mean that all the men I see that dress and walk "that way" are bad guys. I make an effort to remember that everyone in a uniform is not the ultimate good guy, even if they are on CSI. I also try to keep in mind that despite the fact that the only people with gang affiliation wore bandannas on their head where I grew up, not everyone I meet wearing a bandanna is a gang member. It is hard. Like most people, I struggle, and many times fail.
The elderly gentleman with the small kids....turns out they were his own children, not his grandkids. Thank goodness I kept my yap shut.
I am thankful that I am not in law enforcement, or another position of authority, where my judgement could cost innocent people their lives. When faced with a juvenile with what appears to be a gun, I am not sure if I would see a kid playing with a toy, or a disturbed youth who might be wishing to harm others. The number of school shootings between 1999 and 2013 the young ages of the shooters involved is frightening. (See article from the Denver Post from 12/13/2013 for brief overview HERE). I cannot always tell the difference between a bunch of college guys horsing around and a bunch of guys returning from a riot involving looting and vandalism. I don't know if people are staring at me because I would make a great mugging target or because I have toilet paper sticking to the bottom of my shoe and my skirt is caught in my pantyhose. Do I err on the side of caution or do I look at my fellow men with love and respect and trust?
I do both. I judge according to my prejudices and try to remember at the same time what motivates my judgement. I try to treat others as I would like to be treated. And I pray that those in law enforcement and security and the military do a better job than I do.
I try to be aware that my actions and appearances to affect how others react to me, whether it right or wrong. Lawyers have long known if they clean their clients up and dress them in suits, a jury will look at them more favorably, no matter what crime they may have committed. I have read at least two accounts recently of police repeatedly picking up innocent men mistaken for criminals they were looking for (Eric Frein Look-Alike, When you Fit the Description). Injuries and unreasonable detention resulted. Poor judgement? Prejudice? Keyed up tensions? Jaded experience? Yes, yes, yes and yes. Hopefully we have begun to open the dialogue that will help prevent this in the future, or at the very least, change how this happens.
So next time someone asks you if you judge others based on appearance, think about your personal prejudices. Mine may differ from yours. Or they may be more like yours than you care to admit. Ask yourself how we changes these perceptions and what we can do to change perceptions as a society. Join the dialogue instead of denying the issues. Issues of a society affect us all as individuals.
And just in case you were wondering, the woman with the skyscraper heels with questionable wardrobe and behavior, is a kindergarten teacher. She just made some bad choices when she decided to attend a bachelorette party. Thank heavens her friends dragged her home before she found trouble with someone who misread her signals.
Yet I answered honestly. Yes. I do often judge others by their appearances. Matter of fact, probably most of the time. I can't help it. And yes, it does sometimes cloud my judgement.
The other person responded that they did not judge others by appearance.
Really? Truly? Seriously? I find that hard to believe. Why?
Because when I see a man with a bowl haircut and a beard, wearing dark clothing, I assume he is Amish. Especially if I see him with a horse and buggy.
Because when I meet a woman wearing a low cut top that exposes her neck line down to her navel, a short skirt that doesn't cover her bottom and skyscraper heels saying "Hey babe." To all the guys who pass, I don't think, hey, she must be a kindergarten teacher.
Because when I see a young woman in the grocery store wearing yoga pants and a baggy hoodie, I figure she must be either a college student or mom of young kids.
Because when I pass a young man on the street wearing baggie jeans that hang below his butt, bandanna tied around his head and a baseball cap sitting sideways, my first thought is not, there goes a Boy Scout.
Because when I meet an older person walking around with small children, I draw the conclusion that they are a grandparent.
Because when I am out and I find people are watching me instead of minding their own business, I get nervous and keep a diligent watch on my purse.
Does that make me prejudiced? You bet. And could this be a problem? Yes, it could. Not only could, but is a problem. My judgement clouds how I respond to a person I have only just met. I am not as likely to be friendly to someone who I think could be a thug as I am to someone I perceive as a grandparent. I may be more reserved with an Amish man than I would with someone I think is a young mom. Most of these reactions are garnered from experience that my life has given me. Some of it has been taught to me by society. And a few are just quirks that are a part of my personality. If you think I am alone, you have only to turn on TV to watch programs like Style by Jury, Diva on a Dime, or Making First Impressions. All these shows focus on how a person's appearance and behavior affect persons they encounter.
Unfortunately, my conclusions can be (and sometimes are) incorrect. Very incorrect. I try to keep this in mind when I interact with people on a day to day basis. I try not to jump to conclusions. I try to remember that just because TV portrays bad guys as dressing and walking one way, does not mean that all the men I see that dress and walk "that way" are bad guys. I make an effort to remember that everyone in a uniform is not the ultimate good guy, even if they are on CSI. I also try to keep in mind that despite the fact that the only people with gang affiliation wore bandannas on their head where I grew up, not everyone I meet wearing a bandanna is a gang member. It is hard. Like most people, I struggle, and many times fail.
The elderly gentleman with the small kids....turns out they were his own children, not his grandkids. Thank goodness I kept my yap shut.
I am thankful that I am not in law enforcement, or another position of authority, where my judgement could cost innocent people their lives. When faced with a juvenile with what appears to be a gun, I am not sure if I would see a kid playing with a toy, or a disturbed youth who might be wishing to harm others. The number of school shootings between 1999 and 2013 the young ages of the shooters involved is frightening. (See article from the Denver Post from 12/13/2013 for brief overview HERE). I cannot always tell the difference between a bunch of college guys horsing around and a bunch of guys returning from a riot involving looting and vandalism. I don't know if people are staring at me because I would make a great mugging target or because I have toilet paper sticking to the bottom of my shoe and my skirt is caught in my pantyhose. Do I err on the side of caution or do I look at my fellow men with love and respect and trust?
I do both. I judge according to my prejudices and try to remember at the same time what motivates my judgement. I try to treat others as I would like to be treated. And I pray that those in law enforcement and security and the military do a better job than I do.
I try to be aware that my actions and appearances to affect how others react to me, whether it right or wrong. Lawyers have long known if they clean their clients up and dress them in suits, a jury will look at them more favorably, no matter what crime they may have committed. I have read at least two accounts recently of police repeatedly picking up innocent men mistaken for criminals they were looking for (Eric Frein Look-Alike, When you Fit the Description). Injuries and unreasonable detention resulted. Poor judgement? Prejudice? Keyed up tensions? Jaded experience? Yes, yes, yes and yes. Hopefully we have begun to open the dialogue that will help prevent this in the future, or at the very least, change how this happens.
So next time someone asks you if you judge others based on appearance, think about your personal prejudices. Mine may differ from yours. Or they may be more like yours than you care to admit. Ask yourself how we changes these perceptions and what we can do to change perceptions as a society. Join the dialogue instead of denying the issues. Issues of a society affect us all as individuals.
And just in case you were wondering, the woman with the skyscraper heels with questionable wardrobe and behavior, is a kindergarten teacher. She just made some bad choices when she decided to attend a bachelorette party. Thank heavens her friends dragged her home before she found trouble with someone who misread her signals.
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