Do I judge?

  I was asked recently if I judge others by their appearances. With all the turmoil in our country lately stemming from cases of racial bias and violence, this has become a pretty hot button topic. To many, it is the equivalent of asking a person if they are prejudiced. The question may have been phrased innocently and not meant to threaten, yet in the midst of a group of people, it is a question that can make a person uncomfortable.
 
   Yet I answered honestly. Yes. I do often judge others by their appearances. Matter of fact, probably most of the time. I can't help it. And yes, it does sometimes cloud my judgement.

   The other person responded that they did not judge others by appearance.

   Really? Truly? Seriously? I find that hard to believe. Why?

    Because when I see a man with a bowl haircut and a beard, wearing dark clothing, I assume he is Amish. Especially if I see him with a horse and buggy.

   Because when I meet a woman wearing a low cut top that exposes her neck line down to her navel, a short skirt that doesn't cover her bottom and skyscraper heels saying "Hey babe." To all the guys who pass, I don't think, hey, she must be a kindergarten teacher.

   Because when I see a young woman in the grocery store wearing yoga pants and a baggy hoodie, I figure she must be either a college student or mom of young kids.

   Because when I pass a young man on the street wearing baggie jeans that hang below his butt, bandanna tied around his head and a baseball cap sitting sideways, my first thought is not, there goes a Boy Scout.

   Because when I meet an older person walking around with small children, I draw the conclusion that they are a grandparent.

   Because when I am out and I find people are watching me instead of minding their own business, I get nervous and keep a diligent watch on my purse.

   Does that make me prejudiced? You bet. And could this be a problem? Yes, it could. Not only could, but is a problem. My judgement clouds how I respond to a person I have only just met. I am not as likely to be friendly to someone who I think could be a thug as I am to someone I perceive as a grandparent. I may be more reserved with an Amish man than I would with someone I think is a young mom. Most of these reactions are garnered from experience that my life has given me. Some of it has been taught to me by society. And a few are just quirks that are a part of my personality. If you think I am alone, you have only to turn on TV to watch programs like Style by Jury, Diva on a Dime, or Making First Impressions. All these shows focus on how a person's appearance and behavior affect persons they encounter.

   Unfortunately, my conclusions can be (and sometimes are) incorrect. Very incorrect. I try to keep this in mind when I interact with people on a day to day basis. I try not to jump to conclusions. I try to remember that just because TV portrays bad guys as dressing and walking one way, does not mean that all the men I see that dress and walk "that way" are bad guys. I make an effort to remember that everyone in a uniform is not the ultimate good guy, even if they are on CSI. I also try to keep in mind that despite the fact that the only people with gang affiliation wore bandannas on their head where I grew up, not everyone I meet wearing a bandanna is a gang member. It is hard. Like most people, I struggle, and many times fail.

   The elderly gentleman with the small kids....turns out they were his own children, not his grandkids. Thank goodness I kept my yap shut.

   I am thankful that I am not in law enforcement, or another position of authority, where my judgement could cost innocent people their lives. When faced with a juvenile with what appears to be a gun, I am not sure if I would see a kid playing with a toy, or a disturbed youth who might be wishing to harm others. The number of school shootings between 1999 and 2013 the young ages of the shooters involved is frightening. (See article from the Denver Post from 12/13/2013 for brief overview HERE). I cannot always tell the difference between a bunch of college guys horsing around and a bunch of guys returning from a riot involving looting and vandalism. I don't know if people are staring at me because I would make a great mugging target or because I have toilet paper sticking to the bottom of my shoe and my skirt is caught in my pantyhose. Do I err on the side of caution or do I look at my fellow men with love and respect and trust?

   I do both. I judge according to my prejudices and try to remember at the same time what motivates my judgement. I try to treat others as I would like to be treated. And I pray that those in law enforcement and security and the military do a better job than I do.

   I try to be aware that my actions and appearances to affect how others react to me, whether it right or wrong. Lawyers have long known if they clean their clients up and dress them in suits, a jury will look at them more favorably, no matter what crime they may have committed. I have read at least two accounts recently of police repeatedly picking up innocent men mistaken for criminals they were looking for (Eric Frein Look-Alike, When you Fit the Description). Injuries and unreasonable detention resulted. Poor judgement? Prejudice? Keyed up tensions? Jaded experience? Yes, yes, yes and yes. Hopefully we have begun to open the dialogue that will help prevent this in the future, or at the very least, change how this happens.

   So next time someone asks you if you judge others based on appearance, think about your personal prejudices. Mine may differ from yours. Or they may be more like yours than you care to admit. Ask yourself how we changes these perceptions and what we can do to change perceptions as a society. Join the dialogue instead of denying the issues. Issues of a society affect us all as individuals.

   And just in case you were wondering, the woman with the skyscraper heels with questionable wardrobe and behavior, is a kindergarten teacher. She just made some bad choices when she decided to attend a bachelorette party. Thank heavens her friends dragged her home before she found trouble with someone who misread her signals.