Nailed it!

 
   Today I asked my teenager to mow the lawn. It seemed like the perfect day for lawn mowing, not too hot, not too cold and not too wet. Her schedule wasn't especially busy either, so it seemed like a good opportunity for her tackle this chore. It had been over two weeks since the last time she did her "Weekly Mowing Chore."

   I haven't been too fussy about chores since school started this week, however this one I wanted done before we had more rain and the grass had time to grow all the way up to my knees. Mind you, this isn't a great distance by any stretch of the imagination, but I didn't want to have to start taking a machete with me to go collect the mail. It's a matter of principal and the grass was getting high enough that the wildlife was beginning to see our yard as a refuge.

Okay, so I exaggerate a little bit...

There weren't any actual deer in the yard, but I was expecting one any day.

   First I was met with excuses and arguments. When I failed to be moved though debate, she changed tactics and promised me she would mow tomorrow. I was not to be swayed. I've had two weeks of tomorrows which were inevitably filled with rain when they finally arrived. There wasn't any rain in the forecast, but I wasn't taking any chances. Besides, I didn't want to ruin the church picnic, and if she didn't mow, it was sure to rain.

After this she flat out told me she was NOT mowing the lawn today.

As you might have guessed, this went over really well with me.

 
   Fifteen minutes later, the shed was unlocked, the mower had gas, and properly attired, the kid was pushing said mower over the long grasses waving in the late August breeze. At least she didn't try to contend the dress policy we have requiring jeans, gloves and athletic shoes to mow. Not that she would have won that argument either. I'm not a parent to be trifled with.

   In the book I recently finished writing, her doppleganger wound up being left on another planet.

She's lucky I don't actually own a spaceship.

   To hide my joy at parental victory, I decided to vacuum the living room and dining room. That's when I realized my vacuum had a nail in it. Not a small nail either, but a rather large four inch nail. I'm not entirely sure just how this nail got there, but I thought it might be a good idea to take it out, just in case I tripped while vacuuming and accidentally impaled myself on it. It could happen. If you've ever seen me in action, you would understand.

   Unfortunately, the nail was rammed through the plastic suction pipe from the inside, making it impossible for me to simply pull out.

   I found it puzzling. To achieve its current position, the nail had to travel through two tight bends then turn itself sideways in order to pierce the tube wall, all of which is physically impossible based on the size of the nail and the dimensions of the piping from which it emerged. In order for me to remove the nail without doing a great deal of damage to the plastic pipe (or comb through the garage for metal snips) I would have to break the same pesky scientific laws that said it was impossible for the nail to be there in the first place. While this scientific dilemma doesn't actually trouble me too much (I like to write science fiction, so I bend the properties of physics all the time and I'm fairly certain the scientific community would roll their eyes at me), it was certain to take up more time than I was willing to commit to nail removal.

   I opted instead to empty the debris canister, vacuum carefully, and put it put the appliance away so I could go outside and admire my freshly mowed lawn. I would deal with both the nail and scientific laws at some point in the future. This option proved to be infinitely more satisfying than searching the garage for a useful nail removing tool and working on my vacuum.

Life is good, if sometimes a bit odd. Looking at my beautifully mowed lawn, I'd say I nailed it!