Reflection on the State of Parenting

   Today our Jr. High sent out a notice that there was a large number of students who came to school without their everyday school supplies. Well, actually, the notice said that a large percentage of students hadn't brought their Chromebooks to school or brought ones that lacked sufficient charge to get through the day -which is essentially the same thing has having no Chromebook at all. In our school, each of the students are provided with a Chromebook and they use it EVERY SINGLE DAY. These devices are used in nearly every class for classwork, communication and even homework. During breaks, many of the students even use these devices for leisurely activities as well. The Chromebooks are critical for state PARC testing that is done online. Fortunately, testing doesn't start until tomorrow.

Seriously? Did they have their books, pens and paper? Were they even wearing clothes?

   I know, I know, everyone just came back from spring break. Lots of kids were traveling with their parents and enjoying vacations. Some, like our family, refrained from any electronics that didn't closely resemble a TV. It was decompression time. But Sunday night we started up our school night routine so that we would be reasonably ready to start the next day. That meant getting lunch together, making sure books and folders and backpacks were ready to go and checking that the Chromebook was plugged in so that we would have a full charge by morning. Because Lord knows we are not together enough in the morning to make those things happen. We are the ones who look in the mirror before going out the door to make sure we are wearing clothes...

   A friend and I speculated about just what happened to cause this issue. Did the kids really lose that much brain power over the break? Were that many families out of town, not returning until the twelfth hour and therefore unable to reorganize themselves for the return to school? Did families forget that school was starting back up?

Was there somehow a major failure in parenting?

What train?

   Or has the nature of parenting expectations changed so that we are set up for failure?

   For a brief moment I could feel my friend and I getting all defensive about our parenting. Society seems to want us to do everything for kids! I don't recall my mom worrying about if I had my school books. Can't seem to recall my Grandparents being asked by the school if they checked their kid's homework. Shoot, less than two generations ago, kids were often responsible for getting dinner on the table and helping with the farm chores by the time they were in sixth grade! What happened?

   My friend and I tend to buck society a little by thinking our kids should have a little more responsibility and learn some things by mistake. But we also feel we have clear roles as parents regarding how to prepare our children for those responsibilities. 

   One of those responsibilities is not checking our children's homework. Making sure it's done, oh sure. Checking it? No way. How would the teacher know if the kids understood the work if we checked it and had the kids correct it? So over the years we politely refuse to acknowledge the notes suggesting we go over the homework with our children. Now don't get me wrong, if they get stuck, we try to help them and hope we haven't done more hindering than helping... 

   So how early is too early to start? I don't know. My husband and I are the parents who made our five year old responsible for keeping track of and toting her own violin through several airports in multiple states. I was told that was just nuts. Really? After all, I was not the one who wanted to become a musician! I remember after passing security check at one location, the guard started to hand me the violin case. My daughter quickly corrected him and told him "Oh, that is my violin. I have to take care of it!" The guard smiled and apologized, handing her the instrument and nodding at me. He told her he was pleased to see that she was so responsible and she just beamed with pride. Ahhh, such a proud parent moment. But not one that wasn't months in the making. Since the time she had started taking lessons, we had been adamant that she carry her own instrument and the books involved - remember, we weren't the musicians - and she had learned to automatically check to make sure she had both with her when we traveled. It took some reminding at first, (okay, a lot of reminding!) but pay off was big. Especially since I had other things to worry about, like making sure we had gas in the car and that I had the money to pay for the lessons... I did gas the car up, didn't I?

I just can't be responsible for remembering to have her take her books to school too!

   I get frowns when people learn that I let my daughter bike to her friend's house. I will never be accused of being a helicopter parent. But on the flip side, I have taken some precautions such as getting to know her friend's parents. They let me know when she has arrived. I let them know when their kids have arrived at my house. When the kids get home again, we confirm that they are safely home again. Technology is very helpful that way. Especially if I didn't put gas in the car.

   So after I lowered my hackles at what I perceived as yet another parenting criticism, I reread the email from the school. No one had accused anyone of "bad parenting." The email (and automated phone call) that we received asked us parents to "please remind our students to fully charge and bring their Chromebook to school every day." It was just a friendly reminder. One to help families get back on course after the extended break. A way to remind the students that they are responsible for bringing their school supplies to and from school.

   Families sometimes have a rough start after an extended break. Thank heaven PARC testing doesn't start until tomorrow!