Friday, February 10, 2017

Drivers Education: An Entertainment Guide for Parents

   Perhaps you are approaching this milestone. Maybe you already have a fifteen or sixteen year old (who looks like they couldn't be more than eight) waving a permit at you, begging to sit behind the wheel of your car while you recall every questionable decision they have ever made. Like the time they thought it would be a good idea to sled down the basement stairs on a garbage can lid.


You may think drugs and alcohol might seem like a pretty good option for you.

Don't despair. It's not all bad. As a matter of fact, it can be kinda fun.

   How so? Let me share a few pointers that might make this a more enjoyable experience for you. Some were shared with me by other parents who have already passed this stage. Others I picked up on my own. Make sure your insurance is up to date.

   Let's start with the initial driving lesson; the first time you take your precious son or daughter out behind the wheel of the family vehicle. Drive out to a large, vacant lot (ideally one with NO LIGHT POLES). Change seats with your excited teen. Have them adjust the seat and mirrors. Be sure they are buckled in tightly. (Make a point of checking their seat belt for them.) Then, before they put the car in drive, calmly remind them they will be driving a $20,000 vehicle; one that your family relies on heavily for day to day activities like groceries and getting to practice and going to work; a vehicle that you cannot afford to replace should something happen.

   Feel free to increase the auto value if you have a more expensive vehicle or your if your offspring has no monetary clue. The bigger the sticker price, the wider their young eyes will grow. Make sure you tell them they are now mature members of society (you will have to practice this line in the mirror) and as such, you will expect them to take care of your vehicle. Explain that driving an automobile is a huge responsibility as it would take a lot of hours for them to earn enough money to replace it. Not only is it fun to see their facial expressions, but it will ensure that each stop sign they encounter will require five minutes of checking for cats, dogs, cars and non-existent pedestrians.

   Once they come out of shock, have your teen start the car and slowly drive back and forth in the parking lot. Alter whether they should turn right or left. Randomly pick parking spaces for them to park in and have them get out and walk around the car to check and see if they stayed within the lines. Set up a few cones and introduce them to parallel parking, having them do a walk around each time to check their progress. Make sure to keep your giggling quiet when they are out of the vehicle as sound can carry well through a closed window.

    Just when they start to feel confident, have them slowly drive backward around the lot. Remember, it is important you pick a lot with little or no light poles for this to be uneventful.

Do this until you can no longer contain your laughter. Angry teens are not good for cars.
Image by Lydia Bellamy-Palma - Contemplation

   This practice can extend into several driving lessons. Once you feel they have more or less grasped the basics of the car, it is time to try driving more advanced avenues. Cemeteries make an excellent option for the new drivers. Chances are if your teen runs over someone, they will already be dead! Try to choose cemeteries with flat headstones as they do less damage to vehicles.

   Once your teen has got the hang of turning, breaking and actually using the turn signal without looking down at the steering column, you are ready for real roads. Quiet roads with little traffic, like side streets are good starters. I recommend areas with lots of dead end streets. It is quite amusing to watch teens as they struggle to master the three point turn for the eighteenth consecutive time. When they start getting wise to the fact that all the choices you make are dead ends, it's probably time to move on.

   Now, switching gears from the quiet residential side streets where you have enjoyed terrorizing your neighbors and on to major thoroughfares, might sound a bit daunting at first. To help you through this hurdle, it is recommended to start combining driving practice with errand running. This ensures that not only will you get frequent breaks during the lesson, but that your teen will become familiar with all the stops you usually make during the week.  By the time they obtain their license, they should be well versed with the area and able to run all of your errands! Your body will begin producing natural endorphins just thinking about all the free time you will be gaining in the future.

   As they become more self-assured and their skills improve, you can now start to mix things up a bit. Like picking routes with lots of yield signs, or better yet, traffic circles - if your area offers them!

   At this stage of the game, make sure to take a few trips where you drive in heavy traffic on the highway. Be sure to point out all the difficulties to them. Watch the news together and focus on all the reported accidents. Then at intervals during driving practice, ask them if they think they are ready for expressways. Make sure you pass many entrance ramps during your trips together. Although you know they aren't ready and you really aren't going to do highways yet, they don't know that. It makes up for the time they pretended to eat ants.

   When your teen has finally acquired enough hours and experience, it is time to let them drive somewhere unfamiliar. Plan this trip for a day when you have a lot of time and pick up your favorite food and beverage before heading out so you won't get hungry or thirsty. Have your teen drive to a predetermined location taking a circuitous route laden with turns and frequent change of directions. Once you are sure they don't know where they are, tell them it is now their turn to find their way home from memory. Lean back in your seat and enjoy the ride. Watching individuals who proclaim to know everything struggle to differentiate between north and south is guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.

Remember, make the most of your teens driving time. Seldom will you have a captive audience again. It is an excellent time for discussion topics of your choice, introducing them to your taste in music, and grilling them on their activities.

Before you know it, these days will be over...









After which they are going to ask for the keys.

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